Monday, February 25, 2008

Virtually imagined meet.


Occasion: My birthday.
Venue(s) : Respective homes/Local chinese shop.
Time : 10 : 30 PM IST.

Her: How was your birthday?
Me: Nothing much, had no food for lunch and may not have for my dinner.
Her: whyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
Me: Fought with mom....
Her: Why is that..
Me: You don't need any reason to fight with mom. Any random stoopid reason is enough.
Her: Did you had any snack?
Me: Yes two bananas....
Her: Big ones ?
Me: huh?!
Her: Chota ki bada?
Me: You are giving me weird thoughts.
Her: You are hopeless.
Me: =/
Her: Come over to my house and have some thing.
Me: Rather lets go to some place, to eat that is..
Her: OK, but where?
Me: Zhunka bhakhri kendra , I have enuff money for that.
Her: Shut up.
Me: Do you like chinese?
Her: Hmmmmm ..
Me: Don't think to so much.. chinese as in food .. not the people.
Her: Ofcourse!! you are dumb!
Me: You should enlist all the adjectives and spray them on me at once, than coming up with a new one every now and then.
Her: Never mind.Lets go to a chinese place.
Me: OK, I like anything that has chicken. Be it the one wid flu, I'll put in some vicks action 500 and consume it.
Her: Come on!! stop being pedantic.
Me: I don't even know the meaning of that word.
Her: And we will be eating veg chinese.
Me: WHAT!!!
Her: No arguments.
Me: And I thought it was my birthday. OK, whatever you say heirness.

[Untill she explains me the exact meaning of pedantic and till I understand it, we reach the Chinese restaurant, "veg "Chinese restaurant :( ]

[The restaurant is crowded and we are told to wait, I observe the chick density in the restaurant, meanwhile the chick accompanying me doffs her coat.. and I stop watching 'other' chicks.. and keep watching her...and keep watch on her..]

[Finally we get a seat, dirty one.. sabh kachra of previous customers.. the uncleaned tables are like orkut scrap book.. you can infer many things about the entities sitting there by looking at the dropped food contents...I wont go on explaining how.. the priority here is "her"]

Me: Ah theres the menu card... Bleh..all I see is the word "veg" prefixed to almost everything.. veg noodles, veg rice veg coke veg pepsi veg paani, do one thing you order.
Her: OK.
Me: *mumbles* hope this wont be costly
Her: No it wouldn't be!
Me: Waiter uncle!!!! idhar aaoo!
Her: UNCLE!???!
Waiter(uncle): bolo kya chahiye...
Me: swacha paani... this water on the table is of previous user.
Her: 2 veg hakka noodles and 2 manchurians.. let one be dry.
(I keep looking at her.. she is HOT!!!)

[the waiter brings our order in seconds.. thats the best reason for bringing a girl.. your priority increases.]

Me: I see leaves.Lots of leaves.
Her: This Manchurian isnt dry. What is this!
Me: Thats the price you pay for coming with me.
Her: Don't you think this is too much food for two of us?
Me: OK.. let me send your order back and we will share mine.. all you have to do is to dry the manchurians just take it out from my gravy.. and shake it.. centrifugal force at your service.
Her: nah am OK with this.
Me: am not.. I feel like a OX munching on grass.. a thin OX though.
Her: I had some food before, I dunno if I could finish this off.
Me: We must ask those two pretty ladies sitting on that seat to join us. They will feast our extra food.. and my eyes will feast on them.
Her: shut up, pervert-monkey.
Me: Am dreaming about chicken.
Her: There is a chicken shop around the corner.. bring one...
Me: No today is some ganapati thingie...lord ganesha...I wonder why does he have so many days in the month...why ain't our gods non-vegetarians.
Her: Coz they are gods..
Me: Thes manchurian looks like served as a dahej with noodles, bhikh ke naam pe diya hua lagta hai.
Her: Are you gonna throw all of it?
Me: I dunno.... it tastes weirdly sweet... like jaggeree .
Her: Is that water OK?
Me: It has some thin film of some stuff over it..
Her: You are gross...
Me: Get a pepsi.. dil mange more, saale hai lekin ek number ke chor..
Her: I dislike softdrinks..I used to like them once..
Me: Why what traumatizing experience did you have with it then.. found a thin film over it?
Her: You are infinitely disgusting....Waiter.. 2 pepsi dena.. straw maat dalna.

[some one around has a high end fone which rings...]
Me: I've observed that the people with high end mobiles will let the fone ring for atleast 10 seconds before picking it up..
Her: huh!??
Me: Yes.. they will let it ring.. and look around if some ones looking at them.. and then pick it up even if its from "aap ko job chahiye" type of call.
Her: I feel like going to goa.
Me: My parents have already asked me about goa.. but parents and GOA!!!...

That's like sitting with Osama bin laden in Boeing 747. You never know when your 'sh!ts' gonna 'blow up'.. if you know what I mean ;)
Her: Retard!
Me: You changed the topic from mobile to goa...you dont look tech savy..
Her: Correct!!..
Me: Though you are a tremendously fast eating, good looking, hot girl.

[she was almost done.. and i had barely touched the munchurian.. i was simply looking at the munchurian..]

Her: Eat it!...
Me: It looks gay..
Her: ahh.. am full..
Me: I am done with the noodles.. the bowl has all the leaves remaining.... can we get parcel of the remaining food?
Her: May be...
Waiter(uncle): aur kuch?
Me: You guys must join, have some munchurian.. its my birthday..
Her: shut up...
Her: (to the waiter)bass...

[waiter(uncle) makes the bill while I am still looking at the munchurian]

Me: Iska parcel banake milega?
Waiter(uncle): haan, manchurian ka?... haan..
[he takes it away.. finally!!]

Me: I will feed the street dogs .. that thing.
Her: You are boring...awefully boring..
Me: Ok you want me to feed that to the cats?!

[waiter brings the bill and the toxic manchurian]

[she reads the bill.. and makes action with her hand ...saying five..]
Me: FIVE FUKIN HUNDERED!!!??
Her: no!.. one fifty...
Me: if it would have been five hundered..I would have made the waiter eat that munchurian..

[she puts the coat back on.. the view is off]
[
we move out of the shop.. I ask her if she wants paan.. The banaras wala.. .. she looks at me with weird nazar..]



Manchuriaan ne mera maan chur chur kar diya...



-- will be edited wherever and when ever necessary--all rights reserved with her--

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