Saturday, December 12, 2009

Another Exam, Another Entry.


The monitoring, the scrutinizing , the condescending the ------ ings etc.ing etc.ing have begun again.

But there are several changes in their mode of attack. But then my mode of defense has evolved too..
Technically I have to face another exam , three hours sleep, empty stomach and a migraine for one day or two to have a less tensed state of mind for about 2 to 3 weeks.


Socializing experiment is going pretty decent.. from eating food from a tiffin of a random girl to taking part in poetry competitions.



Also I have inferred that almost everyone online who gave me their phone numbers consciously have got me deleted and have prolly forgotten me completely. Evidence for my inference? I called/texted them all.



And those who remember me, remember me when they have no one else to talk to. I have got them deleted irreversibly. This was female gender specific. Its better if everything said and done in a chatroom is forgotten like a virtual one night stand.. rather multiple stands.



Till later. (Fhaakh you , may you get raped @ whoever are cursing/swearing me after reading this blog entry)



*grooves to music*


Sunday, November 29, 2009

My brain is having PMS.

Weird as it may sound, I am having weird thoughts about everything in general. The syllabus looks so vast that they can hold an exam just on the syllabus. Like whats in the second unit of paper 3. Write a note of the paper 4 and its contents.


My lab partner is getting married and she has politely said " I need your help ".. I was like cool! Is your husband impotent!!!... Am ready to help you!! -- sadly that wasn't the case and she wanted more of a materialistic help.

Why there has to be so much math in physics! Math is to physics what periods are to a girl.

Am experimenting again in my socializing skills.. With smaller changes in my behavior .. nothing huge, it has been a success till now.. haven't yet got slapped or mobbed. Will expand it slowly.. But then I don't wanna get raped in exams. So I have to take care that it doesnt happen at the expense of another. Its like .. having extra marital affairs.

So much sh!t happening around.. real life haven't been so bustling before :p
Also I had so many wrong assumptions about the opposite sex.. for so many years!!
Its like .. being with foster parents without knowing about it.. and being suddenly revealed one fine day...

Also online chatting sucks.. I am addicted to it I guess.. I hope I will " de -addict" one day like i did for gaming addiction.. Am sleepy now..


PS: Sex Sex Sex :p

Monday, November 16, 2009

I HATE TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING!

Whoever started this trend,(The 'early to bed early to rise' bullshit) should have been eliminated long time ago. Night time is so fabulous for almost every activity! 

If you screw up the waking up schedule it takes a kind of a lag for the biological clock to set in different parts of the body, it is not in-sync everywhere ...the bioclock sets up in the head first and there is some kind of lag for its signal to reach the digestive system. So now am not only hating myself for waking up early but also for being a mobile gas station.. rather a walking - talking supplier of greenhouse gases ... If causing global warming was a crime.. I would be arrested before the SUV drivers.

Back in the days of me orkuting, there were communities about " hate to wake up in the morning" .. with zillions of users.. I mean have you ever wondered how much greenhouse gas each one of them produced!?

Also I think I shud get a bit lower on the "sex" content in my blogs - just a passing thought.
okay its passed, like gas..
SEX SEX SEX SEX ... :P

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Known Unknown Known Unknown Knownunknownknownunknown...



hmpf..
This is like the third time I have opened this browser window to post something, the other two times all I did was type " hmpf.." and closed it.. that was like faking a moan and not going any further...



Am getting high on BBC documentaries and Richard Dawkins books. Preaching anyone and almost everyone about "atheism" and hence lowering my chances of getting laid, (which were anyways pretty much nonexistent) to a negligible value. I have lost almost 67% of girls i had on my MSN list ( most of them catholic ) after they came to know about me being an atheist. Amongst the remaining few, are using weird never seen before chatting ways to convert me to their respective religions.
I will keep those " chatting ways " classified.

.... Fhaakh i have so much in my mind (almost none is important or of any sense).. if i type it all here.. this blog will go into the " 404 error" and will be lost in the dark deep space of the internets or in a woman's .. argh nevermind......
After no sleep for 30 hours the brain cannot really think of carnal desires...
Also I have discovered that my nose makes some finite angle to the vertical , its not straight.
I mean not in orientation.. not that my nose is gay or something and it would like to be shoved with diks and sh!t like that in its two holes...
One of my friend who was known to be very saintly and was of the type "who doesnt even look at girls".. he for some reason thought that to be a SIN. I have no idea how he got to be friends with me.
Lately, I bored him so much with my atheistic talks that he actually got interested in the opposite sex.I dont know if it was a boon for his parents in disguise.They can be sure that he is gonna supply raw materials for their grand children.I suppose he was pretty firm on the concept of "adoption".

My body is shrinking it seems.. I will soon be transiting from "disgusting to copulate with" to "totally un-copulatable" - if such word exists..I will be disrespecting all my ancestors if the latter happens. I mean they were successful to copulate, even with some predator chewing their arse whilst they being still busy transmitting sperms ( The formation of this statement makes it look like my ancestors were humping the predator itself.. which may have been the case - my mom calls me an animal sometimes... not due to my body mass index...but something else - you know "feelings" and sh!t like that.
With respect to my body mass index, I seemed to have been evolved from some praying mantis or some insect like that...)

people have mood swings.. am having interests swings.. and sometimes sperm density swings..

From neuroscience to psychology.. from linguistics to history... from sex..to.. umm.. sex ...
I feel like learning friggin everything!
Its like you wanna have sex in all possible sex positions, techniques , tricks .. etc etc all in one night with a girl. Like unleashing the whole of kamasutra on her....

Till next time.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Swine flu and You


H1N1 mutant, n95 masks , tamiflu etc etc are the recently added terms to the vocab of people from sweepers to MBA personnel indifferently .. And so is this virus infection scare and ultimately the virus.


Malaria kills more people per day than this beeyatch virus, still it gets the name and the fame...Why? Attitude man!! Viruses have attitudes... ;)
The mosquitoes have started their day time shift and overtime to regain the crown back from this H1N1 mutant.

The media has managed to scare people so much that if the news reporter says insert tampons in your nostrils to protect oneself from swineflu , people would do it.

The "precautions" detailed in the news dailies and everywhere else are " wash your hands", " cover your face when you cough or sneeze", " don't spit".. " avoid crowded places if you are sick".. rewind back to your school days.. weren't these a De facto stuff to follow for a good hygiene ??? People need a friggin virus to make them follow these!!?? A freakin few strands of molecules??? Pathetic..

In Bombay , when in the local trains, the crowd in the second class compartments look like they all are infected by swineflu. Every ones coughing,sneezing.. spitting etc etc..
So flu or no flu they are infected in their minds.

I tried a thing today...While getting to the railway station, walking over the station bridge, it was heavily crowded and almost everyone was wearing a mask or a handkerchief ( or dupattas by girls/women)... just for fun .. I coughed super loudly .. like the patients of Tuberculosis..
And everyone almost got super scared and got away from me like I have shouted " I have got a bomb".. though I got a few abuses from behind... but the scaring them was worth it :p
I mean just coughing can give a power to scare people who are complete strangers!! That's some power!

My college is situated in the " foreigners attraction" area.. near gateway of India... taj and shit like that...
The swineflu scare has made us students from physics department to develop a phobia towards these foreigners .. ( this phobia strangely excludes all female foreigners... okay forget that I said "strangely" ) So some colleague of mine suggested that.. if you see a foreigner on the way, start screaming "swine flu swine flu " and spray them with an insecticide :/
We did try the screaming... and their white skin turned from white to red to some unidentified color in seconds.. like we were observing a color spectrum of a body being heated... heat being the swineflu utterance ...


Swine flu is something new
That can happen to you..
without a clue..

So be vigilant even in the public loo..
Or you will be the part of this virus zoo...

Swine flu is something new
That can happen to you..
without a clue..


To the media you should not believe ..

the media which thinks everything is true..
and doesn't bother to prove...
oh they are just trying to scare you.

Swine flu is something new
That can happen to you..
without a clue..


When in doubt just ask the docs who are the guru..

they are the ones who from day one, knew..
about how much of this flu is true.
They will make it easy for you ..
as easy as two plus two...

So everyone ho jao shuru...
Swine flu is nothing new...
Its natures way to make us pay our due...
It wont stick to you forever like a glue..
Wait a while and you would say " oh the flu? , away it flew"

For the already infected few...
You have no one to sue..
So stop the pursue ..
and go to the doctors crew...
and get few tabs of tamiflu...

And you will sing this shitty song too..


Okay now am out of rhyming words... so just boo.. and leave  :/

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Say what?



Three chicks have defined my voice as " girly" " non-bf-material like" and " pussy "..


Nope am not impotent down there.. just in the vocal section.


I mean I cant get them to blow me instantaneously by making them go weak in their knees after I utter anything.





When I talk with them their content is some what on these lines: .. " My ex called me up.. he says this and that.. what shud i do..." or " Do you think
this dress would look good with my breasts being overly large..." or " the pink color undies or the red one.. which one would look hot on me.. " ..etc etc..
To summerize I end up checking out the pics of their exs.. their crushes.. their "rate-this-guy-as-hot-or-not"s rather than their own pics.



So I have been taking some " vocal chords manipulating " tutorials online..
Watching p0rn and reading kamasutra with my mouth open so that the vocal chords can be trained like the rest of my body parts... well i cant train them physically... its not like that i can shove my hands in my throat and rub the vocal chords...



Anyways.. I have been thinking about writing a blog post about the most probable words uttered by a girl and my inferences abt what they mean... here it is..


1. whatever: This word is uttered by a girl more than the number of times we guys say fuck or
type "sex" in google. This word makes you want to punch the girl in her face.
Its like you talk something very important for sometime and she doesnt
understand a bit due to her low IQ and/or her short attention span, she says
this word to hide her ignorance. I think most girls will be saying this word
instead of " mummy" as their first word.



2. yea whatever.. : Similar definition to the first word.. But the " yes" at the beginning ..
makes you want to punch her more than once.



3. maybe/we'll see : Induces the want to hump her right there.Not for pleasure but due to anger.
Its like she doubts the hope we have about something and the potential in us.



4. Good for you : I seriously dont know why girls say this.Why cant they just say
"congratulations" and shut the fcuk up.
Next time a girl says that to you do this:
Guy :: I got a girlfriend.
Girl :: Good for you.
Guy :: fcuk you .





5. realli???? : This is just an extention of the term " wow".. Its not a question .. though the way
its said makes it feel like one. But then there is no word in a girl's vocab which
does mean what its suposed to mean.



6. yea right.. : You say a very true fact.. more true than area 51.. and the girl smiles stupidly
and utters this.



7. i dont care : I nominate this for the second most "word" uttered by a girl next to "whatever"
i call this as a word cause the speed and the precision which a girl says it
makes it feel like its a one word.



8. look boi... : have you been hitting upon a girl from a distance lately? Are you imagining
her making sweet love to you in your dreams?Are you thinking of confronting her with your crappy " i love you "..? There is a high chance that she will begin
her reply with these words. To summerise, you will have to hunt for a new
chick if this previous chick starts her conversation with you with these words.



9. idiot.. : Mostly harmless. But again the context within which its said is important.


10. HA!! : This isnt the sigh of relief as it first seems to be.. its something weird. Am yet to
infer anything from it yet.. I simply enjoy the onomatophoeia - ic part of this word.



11. hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.... : uttered by a girl who has just done with her periods.


12. get a life : I hate this term. Mostly said by those girls who dont have a life of their own.
It has the same effects as the word " whatever".



13. loser...: 3rd most commonly uttered word. It makes you think for a while before replying.
Because logically you havent lost anything.. but you are still being called that.



14.get a life loser.. : 12 + 13 = 14


15: is it? : This question questions the validity of your existance.


16. yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa : Again... a post period excitation.


17. nevermind : This is a firewall to your questions to the just uttered crap from her side.
Dont mind it , move on and change the topic.



18.you dont understand.. : This has to do with crap like " feelings " and shit.. again.. move on.


19.you will never understand : your relationship (if any) is close to termination.


20."its just..." : Mostly followed by the words 18. and/or 19.


21. obviously : Uttered after you have said something that you think is ingenuous.Makes your
statement sound trivial and unimportant.



22. i know.. : new style of saying " yes ". If she is having PMS, the "know" will be extended like
knooooowwwwwww.



23. i know .. right!! .. : Uttered when you say something and she Agrees to your statement and
imaginingly pats her back. The patting happens when she says " right " in this
term.



24. you wish.. : This makes her sound like some superior being while yourself like some slave.
Seriously speaking.. makes you feel like raping her then and there itself.



Statutory Warning : Ladkiyon pe haath oothana mana hai. 

Monday, May 04, 2009

People under Observation #1


I was told by some one to not write a post keeping in mind that some ones gonna read it...
Also that my "thinking" has changed compared to the last year posts...

Okay points noted.

So now I should be writing posts similar to those written before and write them keeping in mind that no ones gonna read it...
Hmmmm...
Last year I watched loads of porn so I think I should do that to keep the "thinking" same.

* Goes to watch porn *

"............"

* Back * (don't ask what i did in "........" )

Okay am brain washed...

Now back to the posts that i was going to write anyway for some days now but couldn't due to an exam.
I really don't want to talk abt my exam; my condition is like a person who just had a break up..
Imagine me all down and low (not p0rnographically) saying " i really dont wanna talk abt it (break up/exam)"

This is like I get the same effect without being in a relationship.

Anyways, as usual i got gang raped by those questions.
yea yea there were few girls here and there in the exam hall but ..argh nevermind..


A day before my exam a neighbor ( in her mid thirties) from my building asked me to come and check some problem with their computer.
Mom couldn't deny coz she was her "ally" in local warfare which i dunno, mom would have kicked any one else , for example some hawt girls in my locality , when they come and ask for help ( thats the only time they talk to me ). But my mom doesn't know the sickness of my sick mind towards a thirty year old lady ;)

Anyhow, I went to her place which is on the fourth floor and our building has no elevator so till I reached her apartment my erection died and so did my horniness.
Her bro was at the computer having a serious convo with some one and was moving the mouse all over the place like a raper who tries to get his hands all over the "surface" in short time..
okay bad comparison. He was talking to their computer "engineer".
Then he turned to me and asked " There is no sound coming... Are you into computers?"
"No" (In my mind I was like: " yes a fleshy USB port is my plug and play.." but I let that thought pass)
he continued," you are pursuing computer engineering?"
"No"
he got worried and looked at his sister who had fetched me
She was worried and started showering weird compliments about my computer know how.
He interrupted her and asked me " Oh you are done with computer engineering?"
" nope"
He almost said WTF in my regional language but still continued with some hesitation,"What do you do then?"

"I have done Bachelors of Science" (and would like to do some girls...got some?, again a passing thought)

He was a bit relieved and said "Oh B.Sc Information Technology?"

" Errr .. no.. Physics.."

And oh my goodness the look on his face got fhaaked up, he turned to his sister and nodded in disappointment and then took a thorough look at his PC as if it was going to get sacrificed.

And then for some reason he dug his nose and clicked a few buttons like he was sabotaging his PC.

I took a look at his system while he was showering praise abt some handicapped computer engineer who serviced his PC.
His sound drivers were missing , i mean his PC's (he didn't have any thing installed up there to drive anyways), He had mentioned it to me before that he had "cleaned the system" ... aka he fhaaked it himself and was exceptionally proud of it.
So I downloaded those things and installed them. All set and done. But during the downloading of that stuff his polio engineer remotely accessed this PC, in my absence. Gave my 'WTF' neighbor a call and told him about the absence of those drivers.
He then shouted at me in excitement like " The audio drivers are not there!!"
I have never seen any one get so happy abt the absence of the audio drivers.
With the next click the sound appeared, and I shared credit with the polio engineer for getting his b!tch back to normal.

don't mind abt sharing credit abt such silly things, but the part that really bothers me is, these people are so ignorant that they always think that if anything goes wrong with the computer they need to get an "Engineer". I mean come on!... I know am not as knowledgeable as the "engineers" but I learnt about computers by watching porn and with porn comes loads of viruses and Trojans and many other problems..
And it does take some skill to watch porn and not get the PC infected and also not leave any traces of porn on the PC.
After 6 years of porn watching , I am a self taught expert on such "cleaning" ( and also in kamasutra ;) ) *google.com, is the god*


Okay audiences, Thank you for reading this crap and getting bored.

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Contentless, Useless, Senseless, etc..

Am not down rating (whatever that means) myself, but that's the current situation.Am not downrating (whatever that means) myself, but thats the current situation.

Having a Bachelors degree and sitting at home jobless...Oh wait you can add that too to the title.


But nowadays every one who is jobless is giving an excuse of recession while those who have a job or who have got an offer for one are on the highest ego level possible..
I am not generalizing though.



Anyways getting a job isn't my concern currently, I mean my financial situation isn't that bad, I can say that coz even if I had a job during this recession period I would be more concerned about loosing my virginity than my job.. I don't know if I have put that "english-ly" correct but you get the idea..(if you don't, forget it)..Anyways getting a job isn't my concern currently, I mean my financial situation isn't that bad, I can say that coz even if I had a job during this recession period I would be more concerned about loosing my virginity than my job.. I don't know if I have put that "english-ly" correct but you get the idea..(if you don't, forget it)..



Lately I have started playing football with the opponents so aggressive that they target not just the football but all other balls available on the field, yes those attached to the body too..Lately I have started playing football with the opponents so aggressive that they target not just the football but all other balls available on the field, yes those attatched to the body too..
I was hit not there but where the right leg meets the body such that its close to the groin area, okay too much info .. to be specific about that part I would have to use calculus/limits or you need to be a doc .. anyways you get the point..
I got hit almost twice, the second time was so bad that my reproductive system has put a signboard on, stating " System down due to maintenance work"..No am not impotent. Yet.
Now that area is something that its too sensitive to apply an ointment or a balm or a relief spray..Some player in the field suggested me to buy a mega condom and cover that area before spraying..I cannot trust him he was an opponent, and played a huge part in getting me castrated, atleast partly..



The positive side is, now I will be able to study.. as the despo-hormone manufacturing unit down there is damaged temporarily.The positive side is, now I will be able to study.. as the despo-hormone manufacturing unit down there is damaged temporarily.



Fhaakin heat and fhaakin load shedding (no electricity for 2 hours per day in the afternoon)Fhaakin heat and fhaakin load sheding (no electricity for 2 hours per day in the afternoon)
makes studying a sweaty task.The proverb " Success is 99% hardwork and 1% perspiration" should be modified when in India as " Success is 99% perspiration and 1% hardwork"



I pluck flower petals to decide when to study or not..
I shud study ..*pluck*.. I shud not... *pluck* I shud study..*pluck*..
Ah fhaakh it..Ah fhaakh it..

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Me, Her and the Bus Conductor.


Time : Evening, about 7 PM...
Location: BEST bus along the New Bombay route. One seat behind the "ladies" seat in the row adjacent to the entry and exit. With me in the windows seat ofcourse.

I am not a regular passenger on this bus route but yeah I've been traveling on it since a long time now. I mean, I know where the first and the last stops are..What are the best 'birdwatching' areas on the way that this bus takes etc etc..


This time though, I was back to this route after almost an year.. umm may be less.. but many things had changed, including me...I could say that cause I actually saw a fhirangi standing on the road via which this bus passes.. I had never ever seen a fhirangi before on this bus's route.
She was a chinese chick.. but then I could be wrong.. she could be a girlfriend of those numerous chinese food stalls owners...
Anyways.. so I make myself comfortable in the seat and adjust the focus of my eyes for a good "outside" view. Well the ticket fare is like 13 bucks and am gonna do a complete vasooli..
While comforting myself I do not "spread" my legs (This doesnt mean what it sounds like ) due to a previous embarrasing event... That event is worth mentioning so lemme digress from the main content...
I was sitting with partly "parted" legs (again this doesn't mean what it sounds like) and a girl sits besides me.. and suddenly goes : " Dont you have shame.. ill-mannered person!"
I was like WTF!...she continues: " Didnt your parents teach you how to sit next to a girl?, or do you want me to teach you?"
I was still in "WTF" mode...
She said it with so much anger and passion and speed that I barely understood anything...
almost every person whom I could see at that time in the bus, were looking at me and nodding .. like I had done something to that girl..
I didn't know what to do.. but I have this involuntary mechanism built in my body that contracts my whole body and its parts (THAT too) when a female entity scolds me ... like a mimosa plant..(only no touching is involved).. and to this involuntary reaction my parted legs came together.. which shut her up... I was almost contracted to 60% of my original occupied volume.
All in all I started keeping my legs together when a female entity sat besides me ...

Back to the the original story..
I boarded this bus from its starting point..so getting the window seat was easy..
And tadaah! there were more women on the bus than the number of "ladies" seats...
So the not so "ladies" seats started filling.. This was like the human pauli's exclusion principle..
And soon I felt the presence of a lady alongside..
I am accoustomed to this stupid thing that I never ever look at the girl sitting besides me..
Dont ask me why coz even I dont know.. it just happens.. may be part of the mimosa effect..(contraction of pupils).. who knows..You may ask how did I know that it was a "she" when I didn't even look at her?.. umm well .. I am a guy who can masturbate to a girl's DNA sample .. So.. :)

She was panting, I could feel it..I was thinking of offering her the sprite that I had bought (Yea I go into a "elite" mode when I travel) but then I thought I wouldn't want a mimosa effect on my bday...so I had negated the 'sprite offering' idea as soon as I had got it in my mind...Soon .. an electronics showroom at a far end caught my attention and I completely forgot about the girl...And the Bus started to move...The numerous LCDs , lappies and other gadgets sent me to dreamland and suddenly the conductor shouted "TICKET!" and in panic .. I said :"ek Birla colony"..but then I realised that even "her" had asked for the same at the same time.. and I was all red.. :| And I was getting the feeling of her looking at me.. with me still not looking at her..and two to three passengers who were standing alongside .. giggled loudly enuff to be heard...

Meanwhile conductor processed her ticket request .. yea she got the first priority...
and asked me again.. I said "Ek MG chowk"..
And for the first time she talked to me : "changed ..huh?"..
and I gave her an involuntary and stupid reply... :"change is inevitable"...(with me still not looking at her)
and she was like :"Jerk"....


I *facepalm-ed* internally.