Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Me, Her and the Bus Conductor.


Time : Evening, about 7 PM...
Location: BEST bus along the New Bombay route. One seat behind the "ladies" seat in the row adjacent to the entry and exit. With me in the windows seat ofcourse.

I am not a regular passenger on this bus route but yeah I've been traveling on it since a long time now. I mean, I know where the first and the last stops are..What are the best 'birdwatching' areas on the way that this bus takes etc etc..


This time though, I was back to this route after almost an year.. umm may be less.. but many things had changed, including me...I could say that cause I actually saw a fhirangi standing on the road via which this bus passes.. I had never ever seen a fhirangi before on this bus's route.
She was a chinese chick.. but then I could be wrong.. she could be a girlfriend of those numerous chinese food stalls owners...
Anyways.. so I make myself comfortable in the seat and adjust the focus of my eyes for a good "outside" view. Well the ticket fare is like 13 bucks and am gonna do a complete vasooli..
While comforting myself I do not "spread" my legs (This doesnt mean what it sounds like ) due to a previous embarrasing event... That event is worth mentioning so lemme digress from the main content...
I was sitting with partly "parted" legs (again this doesn't mean what it sounds like) and a girl sits besides me.. and suddenly goes : " Dont you have shame.. ill-mannered person!"
I was like WTF!...she continues: " Didnt your parents teach you how to sit next to a girl?, or do you want me to teach you?"
I was still in "WTF" mode...
She said it with so much anger and passion and speed that I barely understood anything...
almost every person whom I could see at that time in the bus, were looking at me and nodding .. like I had done something to that girl..
I didn't know what to do.. but I have this involuntary mechanism built in my body that contracts my whole body and its parts (THAT too) when a female entity scolds me ... like a mimosa plant..(only no touching is involved).. and to this involuntary reaction my parted legs came together.. which shut her up... I was almost contracted to 60% of my original occupied volume.
All in all I started keeping my legs together when a female entity sat besides me ...

Back to the the original story..
I boarded this bus from its starting point..so getting the window seat was easy..
And tadaah! there were more women on the bus than the number of "ladies" seats...
So the not so "ladies" seats started filling.. This was like the human pauli's exclusion principle..
And soon I felt the presence of a lady alongside..
I am accoustomed to this stupid thing that I never ever look at the girl sitting besides me..
Dont ask me why coz even I dont know.. it just happens.. may be part of the mimosa effect..(contraction of pupils).. who knows..You may ask how did I know that it was a "she" when I didn't even look at her?.. umm well .. I am a guy who can masturbate to a girl's DNA sample .. So.. :)

She was panting, I could feel it..I was thinking of offering her the sprite that I had bought (Yea I go into a "elite" mode when I travel) but then I thought I wouldn't want a mimosa effect on my bday...so I had negated the 'sprite offering' idea as soon as I had got it in my mind...Soon .. an electronics showroom at a far end caught my attention and I completely forgot about the girl...And the Bus started to move...The numerous LCDs , lappies and other gadgets sent me to dreamland and suddenly the conductor shouted "TICKET!" and in panic .. I said :"ek Birla colony"..but then I realised that even "her" had asked for the same at the same time.. and I was all red.. :| And I was getting the feeling of her looking at me.. with me still not looking at her..and two to three passengers who were standing alongside .. giggled loudly enuff to be heard...

Meanwhile conductor processed her ticket request .. yea she got the first priority...
and asked me again.. I said "Ek MG chowk"..
And for the first time she talked to me : "changed ..huh?"..
and I gave her an involuntary and stupid reply... :"change is inevitable"...(with me still not looking at her)
and she was like :"Jerk"....


I *facepalm-ed* internally.

2 comments :

Anonymous said...

"umm well .. I am a guy who can masturbate to a girl's DNA sample .."

DNA's are sexy with a sugary base!

BBBB

Anonymous said...

kick u! am in love with you fcuking writing style:*

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