Sunday, August 15, 2010

Chandni Raatein & the return of the dot me-s..

External entity: .. (blabber blabber..) a girl named chandni will be assigned for this project with you...( blabber blabber).. she is new to this.. ( some more blabber)

Me: huh? wait what? who? whaa?

External entity : hello? Will see you  tomorrow at the meeting. *bangs the phone*

Me: Dude, hello?  * wtf mode begins * 

Feminine.Me: * sings * Chaandnii raatein.. hai hai chaandni raatein...
Me: shut up.. :/
Pervy.Me: Did anyone hear the term "chaandni" echoing around the whole fhaakin mind , or was it just me?

Me, feminine.Me, Logic.Me,optimistic.Me, and all other .Me-s: Just you..
Pervy.Me: O_o  oookay.. * goes back to sleep*

Feminine.Me: Phew.., So you have a date tomorrow eh? 
Me: whaaa!? NO!
Feminine.Me: * sings * chaandni raatein.. haaai.. ye pehli mulakaatein... See!! I hear that echo again! you have been masturbating too much, bible says it screws up your mind..prolly thats why you are hearing echoes... :S .. you are catholic? :/
Feminine.Me: I can be anything that disgusts you. Its called being Tit for Tat.

Me: I should get back to studies..
Me: Thermodynamics!!! New book!! cool print out isnt it.. its still warm... it shud be, its about heat :p warm like ... a.. like a... we dont wanna know..
Me: So ideal gas approximation can be used when the real gases are highly dilute?
Logic.Me: yea..Its logical.. :/ * sings * Chaaandni raaatein... haai.... 
Feminine.Me: whaaat! :p Am just trying to sing...
Me: And am trying to friggin study! and i think thats way way way more important than anything else. so shut up! Just temme more about it, rather lets discuss for a while..
Me: No!!! YES! * growls * * dizzies * dude I dont feel fine.. See! thats what happens when you do not talk about it...
Me: You know what happens when we talk about a girl.. it gets fhaked up.
Pessimistic.Me: Its gonna get fhaked up with this one too, so there is no harm in talking about her anyways.No profit no loss.
pervy.Me: Should I get the tissue papers? Is he gonna cry?
Emotional.Me: Am I?
Pervy.Me: No.. I thought he is gonna " think " about a girl.. so you know.. 
Feminine.Me: no we dont know.. and dont wanna know..

*Temporal space: 3 hours of no studies, havent eaten properly *

Me: i cant sleep. :(
Feminine.Me: Shud i sing a lullaby?  
Me: Okay..
Feminine.Me: Chaandni raaatein.... haaaai..
Me:  :( :( AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Dude.. please stop thinking about all the possible probabilities of what is gonna happen between you and chaandni tomorrow, it makes me feel dizzy. He is thinking about  all probabilities? Cool temme temme..
Math.Me: Thats almost infinite probabilities, and his processing unit is no better than a pentium 4 to process that many probabilities... * agrees * alright temme a few of of them.. The best one will be where she ties a rakhi band on his hand..  LOL... ouch.
Me: :( go to the loo man.. quick... * growls *

* Temporal space of 6 hours, Couldnt sleep well, minor head ache * DUDE! :( 
Me: what man!!.. control.. I cant help it.. I just cant stop thinking about the probabilities!
Feminine.Me: * yawns *.. You are not in "love" with her.. if you were you would have thought about "her" and not about the probabilities.. so chill and lets discuss..
Me: No! I dont even friggin know what the fhaakh " love" is .. okay fine.. * sings * chaaandni raaaatein... hai...
Me:  :(

* Spacial space : Reaches destination: college of hottest chicks in mumbai * WHERE ARE THE FHAAKIN TISSUE PAPERS!!!! DOOOD LOOK AT THESE WOMEN!!! * yawns * This is like.. is like... heaven man!!!! Real women are so beautiful! :O you said " beautiful" , I bet the meaning of that term in your vocabulary differs from the generic meaning..
Me: What if she embarrasses me, in front of others.. or what if she is sooooo beautiful that I go.. " hello.... * faints * "
Feminine.Me: now you are talking!
Pervy.Me: dude!! fhaakh chandni. look at these chicks!!! fhirangs can kiss my ass!! Indian chicks HOT?! who knew!
Me: i need to ask some one  where exactly the college and the meeting is..
Pervy.Me: Ask that chick.. one in blue.. no no wait.. red one! red one!.. ask her!!

Me: * asks *

Pervy.Me: * faints *
Feminine.Me: This is much better than him fainting after masturbating.. see what real women can do without even touching you , or you touching yourself. I dont feel  good man.. loo!!! NOW!
Me: Hold it man... dont fart on her , I beg you... stop telling me what to do.. I am already fhaaked up...* growls *

* Spacial space: reaches the venue , No chandni..*
Me: oookaaay....
Feminine.Me: aawwwwwww god damn it.. i would have loved to see you get fhaaked up..
Optimistic.Me: dont worry, better luck next time mate... and Thanks @ for playing my role throughout. you are welcome..
Me: hmmm...... look at these women!
Me: shut up man.
Stomach.Me: loo now now now!

* Spacial space: reaches home: with high end migraine *
Me: since you all have fhaked up my mind.. no painkillers for you.. feel the pain. :( I wanna puke.. 

* 12 hours of migraine kills the " chaandni raatein" like it did for all other "      raateins" *

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Nationalism, Patriotism, Darwinism, Sexism, Jism & all other ism.

    In my zero point zero zero zero one percent "blog writing" state these days ,I think this blog will be subjected to even more crap than it has ever before.
That is like bush administration being elected for the third time in a row.
Indian parliamentary proceedings, known for their jungle-ee behavior, have members who can speak better english both grammatically and logically than bush, but with an accent, a really fhaaked up accent. So when an "outsider" stereotypes indian accent, its like a "female dog" (see I didnt say the B word).. stereotyping humans about their way to have an intercourse.  Unfortunately some humans do end up doing what the female dog does.. in the same way as some indians end up doing what the "outsiders" do.
This can be put in the category of nationalism. Or can it?

Suicide bombings, killings et al, that happen in ones country are more effective in causing some , if not too much of  emotional turmoil than those bombings which occur outside your own country..
News: 5 bombs blew up in afghanistan, 10 died - among them were 4 children.
You:Who gives a fhaakh, where is my footbaal channel

News: 1 injured in a //insert any stupid reason to get injured// at // insert your neighborhoods name//.
You: Omg! is she/he okay!? lemme change my Facebook status to create awareness about //insert that stupid injury getting thing again in here>// and make a page about it to get million fans and prolly tweet about it till the end of time.

Is this "patriotism"? or provincial-ism .or just a consequence of stupid brainwashing that you and me are subjected to , by the media/parents/school since our childhood to actually believe in man-made boundaries which have no significance naturally, and categorize ourselves to be some kind of a separate species than the people living on the other side of the fence? But then brainwashing can make people to believe in invisible voyeur in the sky, so believing in man-made boundaries isnt a biggie.. 

Which brings me to Darwinism...

Predicting something in 1800's which stood the tests of molecular biology and genetics in 21st century is something to be appreciated. One cannot "believe" in something just because you find it "believable" or much easier to believe. Experimental evidence must support your "beliefs". Newtonian  theory of gravity stood the test for 200 years, after it was " corrected" or "extrapolated" , read that again. Newtonian theory of gravity WASNT REMOVED, or SAID TO BE WRONG, it is what keeps our satellites revolving.. and missions to moon and mars possible.. Similarly, the theory of evolution has stood the test for 150 years, and may be extrapolated or corrected but wont be "wrong".You like it or not... its a fact of life,experimentally supported fact.. as true and correctable as the theory of gravity or any other scientific theory for that matter. Anything which is science , is not certain, and anything which is certain is not science. Is this darwinism? maybe.. but then it can be newtonism , einsteinism and what not.

Sexism.. :/ 
Politician: Men and women are equal.
No dude, they arent. I had read this statement somewhere that ..If all presidents/prime ministers of the world were replaced to be women, there would be a war every 28 days on an average, somewhere in the world.
They say " I like you " on 1st of april, " Fhaakh off" on 28th april, .. " I miss you" on 25th May and " get lost " on 23rd June.
This happens between India and pakistan, and our president is a woman.
I would call it as PMS-ism than sexism. If I make it big, am gonna invent a PMS-o-meter.
It would help me to decide what a  girl says should be processed by my heart or by my mind.

Jism.. I dont know what it is... saw it in an american pie movie.. gonna go out and hang out with my wang out...
Over n out.