Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Experimentally yours.

                                         Disclaimer: Sadistic post ahead.                                                                               

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December 8, 2010.


 Dear all Xs and Ys,


             How are you all? Well this standard question has been the initiation of almost all conversations we have ever had or we are currently having or I may have with other Xs and Ys in future. There would be some exceptions with this format though.. some conversations may have began with " hey sexy ".. or similar derivatives of that...

            I have been a "nice guy", atleast relative to the social norms, to most of the X's and Y's and most of you have been nice to me, though your niceness was according to my norms, which may or may not be nice according to the social ones. From your dress styles to your lingerie colors..from your first kiss experience to your first fuck experience...I have been an indirect witness, like an audience who listens to a recorded telecast of a cricket match that took place ages back...Mind you such an audience are very few in number, almost all prefer a live telecast.
To summarize, most of you have told me everything about yourselves, not that I remember everything.. but on an average.. yes I do.

             But there is an inbuilt problem with such kind of interaction. You all kind of start taking me for granted. This "taking me for granted" would have been cool if I was a genetically engineered stoic Artificial Intelligence.  Though I tried to be so, and for a larger part, I am so.

            Statistically speaking, ( I can, due to the large number of Xs and Ys ) if one analyses the time of the month when you all text me " I miss you "..or " I wanna talk to you ".. etc etc as in .. the time of the month when you want to interact with me.. approximately matches the " your time of the month ".. 
How do I know it? Coz you all told me that too!
So however you tag the relationship between me and you, I am merely your emotional tampon. In other words, just friends. Though it definitely doesn't start like that, or may be it does.. and I was too naive back then to notice.
               
             But given that I am not a robot, I would too have an emotional feedback.
As in a response to your blabber. And such a response is very high when there is a mention of  " that other guy ". This is common with the Xs and Ys with loads of baggage of relationships from the past. Or sometimes even the current ones, you know "crush" types. And having a crush on an actor is not equivalent to having a crush on the guy next door. Even a blunt statement like " I like him " can trigger an immense emotional feedback from my limbic system, something I always suppressed/controlled. Not anymore, or atleast I do not want to anymore...Any such abrupt emotional feedback from my side, may end up in me being stupid, which for a major part I am, atleast when it comes to relationships.

              Anyhow, thank you for providing me with such a learning opportunity.

I was and always will be ...
                                                                                            Xperimentally Yours