Monday, December 27, 2010

I wish, that I couldn't wish.

I wonder what part of our mind drools and wonders....about the "what if" factor..
Or the "I wish..." factor...
Mind is a giant simulating machine. It simulates as much it can.. You can just watch something interesting, and your brain would figure out all possible outcomes you may have after interacting with that "something".. right or wrong doesnt matter.

And am not talking about the generic "wishes".. not those fat ass santaclaustic wishes.Something profound..something on the lines of  " One man's food is another man's poison " kind of wishes. Those wishes you think of  .. colloquially speaking ..' from deep down of your heart ' but then you suppress those wishes thinking.. 'OMG! how the hell can I think of something like that!?'...

Generated from the most ancient part of the brain (this is what I think).. they may be mostly about the most basic desires. They may ignite a tiny spark in your mind which when fanned by your thinking brain may lit a huge ass flame.. aka burning desire.
Most of these wishes should never be brought out to the real world. Thoughts .. not all but most of them must be locked safe in the securities of the non-verbal speech. Coz not all thoughts are worth sharing, and no one in this world is trustworthy enough to share them with.

Well all said and done.. I have decided to unlock and reveal some of my
"I wish" - es.. Why? Coz I am stupid and so are these wishes.
And injecting a bit of stupidity in this profoundly stupid world is of negligible value anyways...

I wish....

That I did not get jealous and insecure every time she mentioned anything pertaining to any other guy..

That I want to be someones first.. and probably someones last..

That I want my first kiss be hers first too...my first love to be hers first too..

That I did not feel guilty while being with her,  thinking in my mind that she may not be the one... and I am wasting my time and energy here.

That I could make a definite decisions of certain things rather than living in an uncertainty...

That I did not fear hurting people.

That I was a bit more selfish.

That my 'feelings' center in my brain shuts down completely.

That I could trust people...

etc etc...

These are actually wishes that my mind strongly feels about.. I dunno why.. Its ridiculous... or is it :/