Sunday, November 27, 2011

Stalk Exchange

Me: yo man! whaadddup!
MeraDehatiDost(MDD): Nothing much...
Me: Dude do you remember that hot but short chick from college..the one that took comp science.. 
MDD: Who?
Me: dude there were just four girls in a class of 120.. and she was the only short one amongst them... you should be able to recall just like that..
MDD: Hmm.. Samiksha..
Me: you effin "Know" her by name? :O
MDD: Anisha..
Me: =/
MDD: Ashlesha..
Me: dude.. uske teen naam hai? teri itni jaan pehechan hoi gayi usse?
MDD: Anamika! Anamika Patel.
Me: 4th name.. or are you naming those four girls?
MDD: Nah just confused about her name.. she isnt on my FB friend's list..
Me: Why is she not in your FB.. you have 99.99% of the college junta on your FB.. even the lab assistant's teenage daughter is on your FB.. why isnt Anamika! I came to you with so much hope!
MDD:  sorry to disappoint you jhandfhakir ..  she is amongst those unlucky 0.01%...Though last time I met her was back in 2009...wished her 'happy new year'.
Me: =/ She remembered you?
MDD: yes..
Me: Mereko kya ghanta pehechanegi.. =( Anyhow.. I saw her... few days back.... near the MG90 road.. nariyal paniwala baithta hai na udhar.. leherake balkhake ja rahi thi...
She is too cute to be ignored...
MDD: She is short..
Me: her cuteness over-rides her shortness..
MDD: True.. many guys had crush on her.. even our organic chem lecturer..
Me: Who? Dholya? or papaji?
MDD: papaji.. he had a thing for gujju chicks...
Me: Must be fed up of punju kudis and their moustaches :p
MDD: ={
Me: Ha!.. Anyways.. I wish I had done something back then in college to get noticed..
MDD: You almost blew up the chem lab and papaji with it..
Me: Bade bade labs mein aisi choti choti batein hoti rehti hai :p
MDD: Amen.
Me: Where does she stay.. any idea? I feel like stalking her in my spare time.. 
MDD: Stalking online?
Me: No. In real spacetime.
MDD: Ah ol' school style..
Me: ol' school?
MDD: yea when you used to stalk lil girls on your BMX cycle..
ME: Oh yea good old days..
MDD: Pedo sala..
Me: What! no! that was when I was little!
MDD:Not as little as one wants you to be for a non-pedo classification.
Me: -.-
MDD: you were a born pedo..
ME: WTF? That isn't even logically sound!
MDD: Yes you flirted with ovaries and 1 month old fetuses when you were born.
Me: -.- Alright stop!
MDD: You masturbated to the ultrasound pictures of other babies in the wombs when you were in the hospital ward.
Me: =/ So I was saying... Do you know where she stays? or works? or studies?

MDD: Don't know.. do you have enuff money to please any girl?
Me: i dont have enuff money to please myself.. why do you ask.. is she THAT kind of a girl?
MDD: No, but she is gujju.. you need to have a biznesh to stand any chance of hitting on her..
Me: I dont wanna hit on her... just stalk her..  statistically.. without her knowing it.. and then email her all the details about herself  and creep her out... 
MDD: Heartbreak has fhaked your brainsystem completely.
Me: =/

--- 3 Deen Baad ---

Me: Dude I have this intrinsic urge to find her.. I drink nariyal pani every fhakin day so as to have a higher chance to see her again.. in that area..
MDD: Happens.. hormonal imbalances can fuk your logical reasoning.
Me: No man.. now stalking her is the only motive i have when i go outside... chagaya hai mere mein.. ekdumse
MDD: =/ I will pray for you.
Me: She is so impossible to find! I even repaired my cycle for this endeavor. No luck yet.

--- Ek Hafhte Baad ---

Me: DUDE!!! I SAW HER!!! 
MDD: Did you talk to her?
Me: Are you kidding me? you do know how much meri fhatti hai.
MDD: Akele chennai jake teri item ko milke aya tab nahi fhati thi kya be?
Me: voh baat alag thi..also.. she aint an item =/
MDD: _|_
Me: Anyhow.. does this shortie reside in Daffodil Plaza!?
MDD: Yes.. she did tell me that when we last met..
Me: why did you not fhakin tell me then! =/
MDD: Your desperation was entertaining.. I was taking full on mazzaa from it ;)
Me: Bokadchod kahinka..

---2 Hafhte Baad---

Me: mapping her sightings around daffodils plaza , i have a rough idea of her daily routine...she is pretty timid creature... kisi choray ke saath aabtak dekha nahi isko..
MDD: yea she is soni kudi.. but a shortie..
Me: get over it man.

--MDD goes into online hibernation, stalking developments aren't reported to him.---
 --- Meanwhile, my 'relationship' with the shortie isn't that of a stalker any more. ---
                                                 --- Ek Mahine Baad ---

MDD: so any progress...
Me: an awful lot.. we are now 'friends'... =/
MDD: wow.. I dont even wanna know...also why the quotation marks..
Me: coz she confronted me... and said those three magic words..
MDD:Which ones? " Stop stalking me?" :p
Me: =/No.. She said .. I love you.. 
MDD: What the hell...You are fhaking kidding me..
Me: No man serious!!
MDD: but itnay jaldi.. in a month!?What did you do to/for her.. bokadchod~!?
Me: nothing! Kasam se! I wasnt even friendly with her...
MDD: She is on drugs or PMS or combo. How did she? I mean what did she say...
Me: You know.. the typical girly shit .. third order stress derivative on the word "like"..
MDD: What do you mean?
Me:  the " i really like you" crap.. and its variants..
MDD: So she likes you.. it doesnt mean she..
Me: Abe gende sun toh sahi..From my previous experience I have learned to ask and clarify that shit, so I asked her right away ..what exactly does she mean by " i really like you".. she still went on with .. " I REALLY like you" with stress on really.. as if she was constipating.. but politely...
MDD: I will try that mannered constipation before going to the loo tomorrow but from what ever she still doesnt still imply that she....
Me: Chup!.. pura sun.. I have not completed it ...
MDD: Yea.. go on..
Me: So I went on and did a seedhi baat and asked her... " Does that mean generic sense.. that you love me?"
Me: She kept quiet... we walked like that for a while..
MDD: Cut the dramatic crapshit and temme the end result you geelicunt.
Me: And then we entered a quieter and lonelier lane.
MDD: See you are still at are redundantly gay..
Me: There she said 'yes' looking down at the road...
MDD: Muzhe ek bata , tu itna drama kyon ghusa raha hai teri story mein? You may be gay.. I am not...
Me: Dude she is the first chick that has said ' i love you' to me in real!!! like in physical reality!! No computers involved... My braincells would remember every bit and piece of such an event..
MDD: Fine gaylord.. so what did you say..
Me: I stopped and looked at her... and she...
MDD: NOOOOOOO bhosdikeee... just TO THE POINT bata zhandu balm ki 6th aulad~ you can describe this event on your blog in your typical gaytone.. not with me..
Me:  =/  I said.. "I like you too but I dont .. you know..."
MDD: Tera dimag toh sahi hai na? Mana ki she is a bit tingu and all.. but fhakh dude she is super duper hawt~! how can you fhakin.. what the fhakh is wrong with you bokadchod!?
Me: Nothing..
MDD: Do i need to remind you that you dont really have a face to make chicks fall in "love" with you.. so jo bhi milraha hai usko haan bol zhandkhor...
Me: =/
MDD: is it coz of that chennai ki idli chatney?  O_o
Me: WTF? =/
MDD: So it is bcoz of her...  great! tu 21st century ka newton banega.. aur virgin marega...


Dipti said...

all u guys r like that only!!!!
jo BPL de ke jaye uske peeche bhaago and the one who says anything serious to u... to "uhm i dont know" bla bla!

nyways.... damn funny conversation as always ;)

laly said...

the stalker part is so funny,i didnt know you would be one! ...i totally unsderstand that u want to live new experiences but u still feel guilty and in love with your must be so hard,but if u get to kiss Anamika dont forget to post it here..i want to read that!

laly said...

by the way..what a change u have done to this blog! looks very neat..i suggest bigger fonts to the left sidebar

Priyanka Kamath said...

Something awaits you on my blog :D

Live2cherish said...

lol! how do you do it? Craziness is over riding you these days. All the stalking and nariyal pani for idk??? You are nuts!!!!
And being a gujju by heart, i totally oppose the idea that you need to have a biznesh for patavofy a gujju girl.

PS: just another grammatically erred blog doesn't go well, you should have said just another logically erred blog :P

~AND_ said...

'chennai'idli reachd arnd mullaperiyar so soon? #wonders
nice post bydway

xyzandme said...

@Dipti: BPL? Butt Pe Laath? No wonder that company changed their name. :p
Also, it wasn't a " I don't know". It was a " I like you too .. but I don't .. you know" (I don't love you). pretty definitive infact.
Also, sabh ladke ek jaise nahi hotay, if you are coming across guys with similar traits, you are the one to blame, not the guys :p Tumhari taste hi galat hai :p

@laly: Why do you wanna read that? =/ And what EXACTLY do you wanna read about it? =/
Do you want me to go .. " mmm her soft tender curvilicious lips, soaked in the strawberry flavor.. " etc etc ? :p
This is a fall-back blog template, I will soon (hopefully) get back to the previous one, as soon as I have a better internet and enough time.

@Priyanka: Checked it! & Commented on it! I didn't know there was someone who actually awaits to check my blogposts!..

@Live2cherish: You are a unique gujju chick then :p
Also, my blog.. and logically erred!? IMPOSSIBLE! everything here is as logically correct as 1+1=10 ;)

@~AND_ : There is a connection, but a very intricate one, the chennai-idli is what has put me in this place to confront the mullaperiyar's imminent natural cum manmade disaster. Idli toh chali gayi, bass meri ab chatney honi baaki hai :p

~AND_ said...

@ xyz: aise samjhaoge? yeh toh khichdi jaisa tha. samjhi nai bhaisaab. explane kardo theek se. :)

xyzandme said...

@~AND_ : ye aisi cheez hai jo aaj tak koi na samazh paya.. na koi samzha paya..

~AND_ said...

@xyz: accha ji :D

♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ said...

Your profile got me here :) Your profile- extraordinary :D
I like your blog. The post was light and funny :) I like your writing style :)

Will surely drop in again. Take Care :)

Dipti said...

@xyz..... not me... but all other girls.... i hear so many stories...!! damn!
ab sab ladkiyo ka taste to bura nai ho sakta..!!

xyzandme said...

@♫♪♥PhilO♥♪♫ : I am glad to have a new reader! =)

@Dipti: Many ladkiyan are very very good @ making stories.. ;)
For some reason, its inbuilt in our systems to either be play a hero or play a victim. Most girls choose the latter.

Dipti said...

aah i dont know! may be.... who knows...

xyzandme said...

I do I do :p

Nirali N said...

hahahhahahahahhahahahahaahah :D awesomeness!!!
this mdd person i'd like to meet :P

this post made my day ! cheers !

xyzandme said...

@Nirali N: I am glad. =)
Also how can you meet a person who is a figment of someone's imagination? ;)

Nirali N said...

really :O ? well u are aweeesome in that case *bows head in respect *

xyzandme said...

Gawd the sleepy head me read it as "blows" and got momentarily enthusiastic! ..

Nirali N said...

hahaha :P dream on :P

Rashi said...

hahahah .. this was hilarious :P

manisha said...

Too good description dude.temme one thing,when u guys talk to each other do you use the same amount of abuses or even more than that???Nd that gujju chick nd punjabi kudi thing.... hilarious!!Liked the end a lot...sweet one!!

Koo said...


Zoha said...

Hilarious xD

commited to life said...

any progress with the 'ant'?? :P

Sadhana. said...

hahahahahah! Very entertaining post! :D

blue said...

Sm thng tells me wrote all dat account juz fa da last lines, aint over her yet........

Bhoomika said...

Typical foolish conversation of guys ! Btw one advice, done listen to your dehati dost else ye janam toh kya agle saat janam tak virgin rahoge. ;) He is very very very typical.

bum-ble said...

ok so i read this a couple o months back and forgot to comment :|
nothingg has ever made me laugh so much :O and making me laugh is not easy. true fhakin story! :D

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