Wednesday, August 28, 2013


That is what is required of my brain to tongue connections.

Following various wildly floating philosophical ideologies of 'swag', 'I don't give a fuck' etc., My brain decides to say things out aloud unintentionally.
Moments where the brain should cut the supply to the tongue/vocal cord, and utter those words with the framework of internal neural connections, instead of blabbering it out. Few examples of my stupid blabbering:

Event A:
Nice and cool breeze is buttering the evening atmosphere at the Marine Drive. Two Xavier material girls are talking about their usual angrez stuff. They were Xavier material, so eavesdropping is a necessity.

Chick_1: You should really come with us! It'd be fun! It'd help you get over him!
Chick_2: I dunno Riya, I feel so lost and so directionless..
Me: Hi! I am unit vector, Befriend me and I promise you that you'd never be directionless ever again! ^.^

*They look at me with a "The fuck creep!" expression and leave the perverse scene*

Event B:
A long queue of people awaiting for auto-rickshaws. A good looking chicka is carrying a huge ass jackfruit in her hands. Enter me. I close in on her, giving no notice to who is around her or along with her and I utter this:
"That is one ugly kid missy! (Looking at the jackfruit) I bet your husband must be a real ugly guy to over ride the cuteness brought in by your DNA."

*I did not wait to see what her response was*

Event C:
A hot chick from my locality, who have not talked to me for years greets me while I am with my friends.. or well.. so called friends. I greeted back. And she tried to small talk. Which was surprising. Her parents were with her and were busy yapping with someone, but as soon as they saw her "small talking" with me, they responded with their parental calling routines. Within the framework of this small talk, she happened to say, "Your belly has come a little up! You should exercise!"
This is what all the people who take gym-going way to serious say about anyone who doesn't. To this I should have said : "Yea.. I should..."
But nope. I retorted back with:
" It is your three month kid. Born out of our secret affair last diwali on your terrace! I will be coming to seek alimony from you soon."
It was said vibrantly.. so loud and clear.. so matter of factly, the color on the faces of her parents got so pale that for a moment, I felt they were Caucasian. I think for a moment, I made them believe that male pregnancy is possible...
She giggled though...

Event D:
Briskly walking between my printing sprees, I caught a glimpse of a beauty in red and black, walking through the open corridors of the campus.
With her hair and dupatta flowing to the stream of air as she walked..
The game of hide and seek with our eyes lasted for quite a while.
As I entered my lab, I thought of her as a passing fairy, who was lost from the nearby management institute into this science lab-hole. And was about to proceed with my work in the lab.
There she stands, right besides my instrument (Ahem- ahem, I mean my laboratory apparatus) looking at it with lost thought.
My! My! what is she doing here! I thought.. and blurted out: Hey Hi! New student?
This is the time mere mann mein laddu fhootay. Till this time I worked alone in the lab and then this girl stands right here! The cliche of 'uparwala deta hai toh..' played in my mind a thousand times..

Her: No No.. I work here.. I mean I used to..
Me:  senior? (Confused)
Her: No, I am from the administration..
Me: Oh! Never seen you around.. (Confused and a little bit disappointed)
Her: Me neither.. are you new here?
Me: Yes, kinda.. been here for 4 months..
Her: That is a long time.. how come we never met?
Me: Huh!? Yea! (Was confused about her excitation and  her sense of disappointment about the fact of us not meeting previously)
Me: So what brings you here..
Her: O, I am quitting... Had to get my resignation letter signed.
Me: (expressively disappointed) Oh! Bad luck. My bad luck. *lightly bangs the desk*
Her: *giggles*

*Later I learnt that she was quitting the job, as she was getting married*

Event too much:
A trekking/hiking group, which included me climbed a fort in the laps of Sahayadris.
As we reached the apex, I came across another group, with girls. Lots and lots of chikni girls. High attitude babes on high altitude places.
This was like a gift of climbing 3000 meters bare foot. (A different story altogether)
Given the proximity of people climbing and descending, cross-connections were a common place. I lay my eyes on one of the girl from their group.
She is everything what my imagination could consider as an update to every other fantasy girl in my head. I stay close.

People screamed from one end and someone else replied from the other end.
I brought both the ends together. Too together.
She (who is a total stranger to me) screams: Bitttuuuuu!!
Me (who was at a distance of slippers slap) screamed back: Kyaaaaa!!
She(looking back at me..): Tera naam bittu hai?
Me (who should have said, no.. sorry): Nahi, but tereliye mein tera bittu ban jaoonga.
She: *laughs* Chal fhir tu aajse mera bittu.
Me: Aur tera naam kya hai..
She *tells her first name*

*After returning back home, I launch a campaign on facebook to find her based on her first name* * no results*

Sunday, August 18, 2013

A letter

I miss you. I am going to write down everything I feel about you. And all those moments that make me realize why I dont want anyone else and why I need you so bad.
The night on the beach. It was cold and I was sitting with my back to your chest. The necklacey thing I wore in my neck, we shared for a bit. It was cold, but warm. I wouldn't trade that memory for anything in the entire world.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Halwa Wali

What is that she liked?
He wondered... She wasn't a typical Mumbai chick.. Her agra-ness was something that he loved and got confused about...
Her smile made his nervous system go on a standby mode. While her demeanor rendered him to gawk at her, probably resulting in her thinking of him as a terminal pervert.
She wasn't someone who dressed in coherence with her looks. Her simplicity, or rather her ignorance about fashion somewhat killed the amount of head turning prowess that she actually possessed.
"Halwa wali", is what he referred to her as.. Her bhabi made the most awesome halva, and he fed on it.. Mannerless-ly. This surprised her, she probably had a different view about guys from Mumbai. His dehati-ness and total lack of being 'bollywood-ish', probably made her cringe. Also it may have even enabled her to develop a complete dislike towards him.
As the last day of the coursework approached closer, he put his thinking capacity more towards the execution of his final plan, i.e, final plan about asking her out than towards the upcoming exams.
Three exams were scheduled to be conducted back to back on the same day. That was one of the problem. Another being that he had no 'final plan' as such to execute.
'Take her out on a excursion around delhi'...
'Take her out on a shopping spree!!'
'Take her to the candy shop...'
The thoughts flowed in...
'Movies! Romantic stuff..! Ashiqui 2?' he thought.
Star Trek was going to be released soon. But he was not going to ask her out for that movie..
'Obviously not!' He exclaimed almost loudly! 'May be this is what sacrifice meant.. For a girl you like... thou shall sacrifice on Star Trek!' he pondered.. and felt the nerd in him getting disappointed.
In the midst of this all, he saw her outta nowhere.. The heck! Where did she come from!? He thought for a moment about teleportation, but killed that thought to entertain more important thoughts like: What the F is he gonna say!?
ETA : 10 seconds...
Confrontation in ...3...2...1...
"Hey Bhumika, when are you leaving?"
"Um?..Exam ke turrant baad, kyun?"
"Bas ayse hi, I have to stay here for almost 10 days more after the exams!..."
He made a sighing face to invoke an 'aww' response from her...
She gave him none.. Just nodded in acknowledgement...

He continued..
"I was considering going for this ashiqui movie, suna hai kafhi chal rahi hai.."
"Haan, humein bhi dekhni thi, par waqt kahan hai.."
"Kya tum exam hotay hi, paper professor ke muh pe markar Agra ki train pakadnewali ho?"
She giggled.
That rendered him speechless, he simply loved the sight of her smiling. It was astonishingly soothing...
Aaaannndd he was about to gawk..
"Nahi ji, hey bhagvan! hum aisa kyon karein?! Hum thode hi aap bumbayee walon ki tarah battameez hai?"
She smirked after that..
"Mein? BattameeZ?!"
"Haan! Aur nahi toh kya.."
"Theekh hai, consider this as another battameezee, exam ke baad kya tum mere saath ashiqui dekhne aoogi?"
She looked... Didn't say anything...just looked. May be, he wondered... she went into a standby... Or was she taken aback?
"Theek hai, aaoongi"
She left.. He tried to act normal. He couldn't. Every attempt that he made to act normal was making him look even more abnormal.

She was dressed differently. She had put an effort to look better than usual. It was still on the very realms of simplicity.
He had promised himself that he wouldn't gawk, but with a beauty like this by his side, cladded in a white punjabi dress with a glittering dupatta and a scintillating mukhda, he simply couldn't help.
"Kya hai, aap aise kyon dekh rahe ho, kya mere chehre pe kuch laga hai?"
"Haan, dher saari khoobsoorti"
She smiled.. And mocked him about his apparently filmy behaviour.
They watched the movie... Rather she watched the movie, while he watched her. Even though the onscreen heroine was hawt, with a hawt butt.
He has never seen anyone so much into movies. And probably she has never seen anyone so much into her. Almost on the verge of awkwardness.
"Hey Sun Na.."
She looked upto him. Yes he was taller. She didn't think about his height before. But Ashiqui 2 had manipulated her brain into thinking such stuff.
"I had a very nice time..." He paused.
She kept looking.. Before she could reply in reciprocation.. in the name of formality.. He spoke again..
".... at the institute.. all the people I met... I made some friends.. and before one of them bids adieu tomorrow, I need to give a little gift or something.. you know.. small token of thank you.. to her.."
She was puzzled..
"Could you help me pick a gift or so for her? There is an archies shop nearby..Please!?"
She couldn't believe what she was hearing.. Was this "Lets go for a movie" was just a bahana so that he could bring her to select a gift for some bimbo back at the institute?
She was getting furious for sure, but kept her composure.. She wanted to get this over with. She was hurt.
"OK" She replied blankly.
"Thank you Thank you sooo much!" He started to walk ahead of her.. now in his own world.. heading straight for that archies shop!
She was surprised to see how callous he was to the emotional trauma that he had rendered upon her by saying rather stupid stuff.
They entered archies. The shop was gleaming with girly stuff. Seriously girly stuff. So girly, that even gay guys wouldn't want it.
She was fascinated by the section of little teddies!
'Aww.. the cute little ones!' She smiled contently. Almost forgetting about the purpose of this visit.
He was busy finding cards. And was strangely disappointed with them. Finally he picked one.
"THANK YOU! " She read it aloud, exclaiming and questioningly!?
"That is it? That is what you are going to pay 200 Rupees for? Ek bada sa THANK YOU!?"
"What!? That is what all I want to convey!.. par wait a second.."
He pulled out that cutest little teddy from that teddy collection and said..
"There! What do you think of this little guy!? Would she find it cute!?"
He made the air-quotation marks with his fingers as he said 'cute'.
Without really waiting for her verdict, he proceeded and stuck that teddy's butt on the top of the card.
"Hey Bhumika!"
"Could you write something sweet on the card for me.. in hindi? You know.. devanagari script?"
"What!? Why!?.. I mean what do you want me to write?" She was this close to snap.. but she kept her cool.
"Okay.. Here.. write this with an Ink Pen..."
She was about to question this choice but she just wanted to get over with this stupidity of his..
"You would require to translate this angrezi thingie I say in hindi...OK!?"
She nodded...
"Your presence soothes my mind."
"Your talks soothes my nerves..."
She giggled.. and thought of mischief and translating this into some nonsense. But with the innocence that she held onto, any such deed by her would be an act of "baattameezee".
He continued.. and she translated...
"Though we haven't known each other for more than a few weeks, I would like to know you more."
"Your friendship is what I seek."
"Thank you for accepting me in your world, even for this short time."
"I shall miss you."
She was surprised to the amount of emotion he carried for this girl.. and yet be so stone hearted towards her.. 'Selfish bastard' she thought..'All guys are just selfish bastards'.
"Now all I have to do is give it to her.. Arey! we forgot to write the 'Dear whoever' thingie at the top!"
She sighed. Removed the cap of the pen and sighed again.
"Haan, bolo.. "
Till then he got busy with the cashier.
She hated being kept hanging like this.. but unknowingly started computing the permutations of the names of various possible girls at the institute to whom this card may get addressed to, which kept her occupied.
"Dear Bhumika" He stood very close to her as he said it. Almost whispered it into her ears.

"What is so shocking about it!?"
"Nothing." She stood there confused.

He smiled at her. Took the pen from her, wrote her name on the card in the curviest devanagari and gave the card to her.

Her face held the cutest smile ever. Cuter even than the butt stuck teddy.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

One Two Five Nine Zero

It wasn't the same any more.
She witnessed it all. Her little eyes couldn't understand.
Like little blinking sensors, she observed and memorized.
Were they fighting? Were they loving? Are they nuts!?
She wondered.
She could have said.. "Are they fucking nuts!?" But she was just three.
The word "fucking" wasn't in her immediate vocabulary, though it was used quite a lot in the household for sometime now. Its frequency increased during late evenings. Of the word and of the action that it's supposed to refer to.
This was domestic violence in the newest (weirdest?) form.
There were no physical bruises.. except the love bites.
The wounds were psychological. The healing was physical.
But there wasn't any love either.. or it was in its most wildest form.
They quarrelled like they were gonna blow themselves up.
Usually it was just her doing that. To him.
The fight ended. Night crawled in. They slept in each other's grip than in each other's arms. Mornings saw one leave before the other. The days were silent. Evenings and fights became synonyms.

One of those many mornings saw her leave. Forever. Putting kohl on her teary eyes..
Kissing Zoey adieu. Forever.

Forever, is what they had promised. Forever, is what they wanted it to be..
Forever, is what they said it would last, on the day they got married....

They got married. A love marriage. Not really against the family but not much  "pro" family as well. His income could afford them only a small apartment. Their families could have got them a palace. But love marriage.

Their best-est decoration was their cute daughter. Zoey. The name was her choice. He didn't even know what it meant till he googled it. His first concern was, how would he defend and reason this super fhirangi name to his ZeeTV Marathi parents. So he came up with "Jui". A semi-regional name. Meaning Jasmine.
"Fhirangi people call this flower as Zoey, you guys can call her Jui" he told his parents.. Though not thoroughly happy, they were okay with it.. Zoey/Jui's cuteness and amiability overrode every thing. EVERY FUCKING THING. Her sight, her voice, her ways had the power to end wars. Hitler would have married a Jew if Zoey had asked him to.

On the breaking point of his life, there nestled a jewel in his life. That jewel was Zoey.., that which he weighed more than his own life.

He showed her the milky way. Like literally. The whole damn thing, across the sky from the heights of Himalayas. That was when some "Susanne", showed her "stars" on the ceiling of her bedroom. Zoey being Zoey said, "Suzy, if you can buy stars, they aren't stars."
After hearing the Suzy encounter, the Himalayan odyssey was planned. Stars, Galaxies, eclipses, he showed it all. The whole of the visibly observable universe was imprinted on her already beautiful mind.
For him, she was his universe.

Hospitals have this snoggy smell. That is how she expressed that smell. Or the atmosphere. She said, "If I am not sick, this snoggy smell makes me feel sick."
The nurse smiled. This cute one won hearts everywhere she went with her chicken legs and a flowery bow. She loved it when her mom tied her hair with it for the first time.. She wasn't quite sure how to express it though.
"Papa look! What mom did to my hair! She is tying things to my hair!"
He lifted her up and hugged her as her mom put her school bag  and the water bottle around his arm.
"Don't I look pretty papa!?" She had this huge smile on her face! And so did he.
Dropping her at the school was a mini heart ache. Eyes were always a little misty. Not hers. His. For some reason he hated it. He was the first parent to reach the school premises to get her back home. The school's security guard become his mate. The guard even invited him for dinner!

The CT scan machines, the MRIs and all those huge "weird shaped elephants", if you want to use Zoey's vernacular, have an effect on one's mind.
"Doctor Uncle, Doctor Uncle, why don't you put flowers and some fake stars in your weird elephant room, like suzzy does in her bedroom. It will look and smell less snoggy."
"You cannot win an argument with this kid." Said the Doc, to his nurse. "She is Madame Curie's Indian reincarnation.."

Some nurses could be arrogant as heck though. One of them made his princess cry!
Tried to thrust water down her throat for USG procedure.. She cried not for she was required to drink water. She would do it even without asking. For some unknown reason, she loved water. He called her bewdi (Drunkard), a name previously used by him to tease her mom....
The water used by the nurse had a stagnant kind of smell to it which Zoey hated.. He drank it and spit it back on the nurse's face. He knew that was wrong, but the nurse deserved it. The smell was of alcohol. Home-brewed alcohol.

He took Zoey to the local nariyal-pani walah. Father and daughter shared this common liking for coconut water. Zoey got her coconut for free. They bought nariyal pani from this vendor for so long that Zoey's friendship fetched her free nariyal pani. "Chacha, aap iss nariyal ke andar paani kaise daalte ho?" She asked. That bought a little tear in chacha's eyes, as he smiled and said....
"Nisha aise ajeeb ajeeb saval poocha karti thi humareko.." Wiping his tears as he looked heavenwards...

With her tummy filled with Vitamin E enriched or as Zoey would say it.."Vitamini Ukt" water, the USG was done... and so were many other scans...

Her first encounter with that weird elephant was through a glass door.
She was afraid..but as always curious. She raised her little hand and held on to his jeans.. and nudged it..
"Papa...what is that thing?"
"Will I be put in there too? What does it do? Will it hurt? Will they make me drink water again? Can you ask them to let me have nariyal pani, Papa?"
The questions didn't storm out.. they were asked one by one.. with a pause.. and a curiosity in her eyes to know the answer..
He explained. Truthfully. From the science of working of those machines to their medical use. He did it with a story. A very cinderella-like story. She loved it. 

"Is there anything to worry doc?"
"I am afraid so. We did a thorough scan .. its failing. And quiet fast..She needs a donor.."

Her stay at the snoggy place was over.. She dreaded this place. She was kept smiling by her papa throughout her stay.. But she couldn't find him as she woke up from her sleep. Not the day after... not a month after...not six months after...
She did ask. Not once but million times. She wanted to know. She was told different stories. By her granma and granpa.. by her teachers, by the doctors...and by her mother.
None were true... And neither were they as exciting as those told by her papa.

As she was leaving that place, she came across the same weird elephant room...
She looked through the glass.. At that weird elephant.. Her hand reached out almost
involuntarily to nudge at his jeans...
Her heart pounded finding its absence... Finding his absence..

Back home, they were packing. She had tons of dolls. Not barbie like. He got her handmade dolls. They may not look as well made as those found in huge shops, but they had this lively expression on their handcrafted face..
These dolls were being constantly bombarded with stories and queries about him, by her. Throughout the day.. and sometimes throughout the night, till all the dolls fell asleep.

His phone rang. She jumped up in excitement. "Ma, Papa forgot to take his phone! Now he'll have to come back to get it!" She gave the phone to her mother..
She tried to answer the call....
"Argh, his stupid phone is asking for a pass code.."
"Vaan Tchoo Phaew Naeen Jeelo" exclaimed the little one..
"Thankoo shooo muchhh, Zo!"
She typed in.. "Twelve-Five-Ninety"
That made her wonder....
Till then she had already picked up the call.
"Hello, could you open the door? I am standing right outside.."

She found the voice familiar.. She did not hang up the phone and walked briskly towards the door..
The cute one followed her...dragging her handcrafted doll

"Hello Maam, this is from fernsandpetals, a special delivery for you.."
"Whoaaaaaaaoowww" Zoey exclaimed..

A huge ass bouquet of flowers.. Orchids and Jasmine, stood there..
"What is this for.., Who is it from? What is all this?"
Her anger was mixed with excitement and mystery..

The delivery guy gave her the card...
"Happy Birthday Dearest. Live Long And Prosper, My Love."
It was from him.

"Happie buhday Maaaa!!, Papa sent this didn't he!?"

She could barely talk.. she tried to smile.. but couldn't..

"Could you sign here, Maam?"

'12/05/2013 - Delivered'
She saw this written on the writing she signed..
"Twelve Five...." she murmured..

"His phone.... Twelve Five Ninety...." She blankly looked at it..

"Ma.. Papa loves you sooooooooo much.."
Zoey stretched her tiny arms in air..

She hugged her daughter.. very tight...
She could hear Zoey's heart pounding..

She heard his heart pounding...

"Vaan Tchoo Phaaew Nayeen Jhee Lo"
Zoey whispered as she played with his phone...

Zoey was his life. Her mother was his love. First love.